Alien Abduction
I'm alive! Apologies for the long absence, but I swear that I
had a legitimate excuse. I was abducted by an alien. For real. And
what's even more astonishing is that he took over my body and
everything. I know, very twilight zone, right?
I'm sure you're dying to hear the story, so here it goes.
June 2011: First encounter.
I wake up, nauseated. What just happened? I feel so dizzy.... My body, heavy and tired, doesn't feel like my own. Something just feels "off."
July 2011: Medical evidence.
The doctor confirms my suspicions after weeks of odd, distorted dreams that were difficult to distinguish from reality. Something has definitely happened to me. There is another living being growing inside my body. I can feel it drain me of energy, sapping all nutrients from my bloodstream and diverting them for its own growth. Will I survive this?
September 2011: Epidemic on the horizon.
A local friend confirms that she too has been abducted and invaded by an alien life form. IS NO ONE SAFE?!?!?
October 2011: Conspicuous presence.
My body swells with the presence of the insatiable beast growing quickly inside of me. After months of monitoring, a physician palpates my abdomen. Feet, legs, arms, a head! Can this be? It is the stuff of science fiction....
November 2011: A malady.
Oooooooooooooooh, the pain!
December 2012: Hostile take-over.
I can't think straight. I can't walk straight. The purpose of my body is no longer to sustain me, but rather to grow this thing inside of me. Even my mind has been abducted by the thoughts of this creature, and I can no longer support any ambition other than to nourish it and bring it to life. My own life as I know it has ended. I have ceased to be myself.
January 2012: Tunnel vision.
The only thought meandering among the dwindling neurons in my now feeble mind is
"I AM GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
February 2012: The end to begin all.
"I am dying!" I scream, and I truly believe it as the pain rips through my body. The creature breaks forth in an explosion of blood and gore rivaling that of any B-rated horror flick. My husband, gripping my arm at my side, sheds tears as I have never seen before from him. The months of physical torture have finally come to an end. The world around me seems to shrink and I can see nothing but a tunnel of light that illuminates the creature before me.
I'm pretty sure that all of you smart cookies out there have figured out by now that I had a baby, not a monster from outer space. And he's awesome, by the way. Here's a photo of him at four weeks that will melt the heart of any galactic warrior, and allow him the power of universal domination through cuteness alone.
The little booger is latched to me like an adorable parasitic attachment even as I type, sleeping as a small lump of rolling baby fat on my chest.
There goes some drool, oozing down my side. Awesome.
I love my little alien invader!
I'm sure you're dying to hear the story, so here it goes.
June 2011: First encounter.
I wake up, nauseated. What just happened? I feel so dizzy.... My body, heavy and tired, doesn't feel like my own. Something just feels "off."
July 2011: Medical evidence.
The doctor confirms my suspicions after weeks of odd, distorted dreams that were difficult to distinguish from reality. Something has definitely happened to me. There is another living being growing inside my body. I can feel it drain me of energy, sapping all nutrients from my bloodstream and diverting them for its own growth. Will I survive this?
September 2011: Epidemic on the horizon.
A local friend confirms that she too has been abducted and invaded by an alien life form. IS NO ONE SAFE?!?!?
October 2011: Conspicuous presence.
My body swells with the presence of the insatiable beast growing quickly inside of me. After months of monitoring, a physician palpates my abdomen. Feet, legs, arms, a head! Can this be? It is the stuff of science fiction....
November 2011: A malady.
Oooooooooooooooh, the pain!
December 2012: Hostile take-over.
I can't think straight. I can't walk straight. The purpose of my body is no longer to sustain me, but rather to grow this thing inside of me. Even my mind has been abducted by the thoughts of this creature, and I can no longer support any ambition other than to nourish it and bring it to life. My own life as I know it has ended. I have ceased to be myself.
January 2012: Tunnel vision.
The only thought meandering among the dwindling neurons in my now feeble mind is
"I AM GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
February 2012: The end to begin all.
"I am dying!" I scream, and I truly believe it as the pain rips through my body. The creature breaks forth in an explosion of blood and gore rivaling that of any B-rated horror flick. My husband, gripping my arm at my side, sheds tears as I have never seen before from him. The months of physical torture have finally come to an end. The world around me seems to shrink and I can see nothing but a tunnel of light that illuminates the creature before me.
*****
I'm pretty sure that all of you smart cookies out there have figured out by now that I had a baby, not a monster from outer space. And he's awesome, by the way. Here's a photo of him at four weeks that will melt the heart of any galactic warrior, and allow him the power of universal domination through cuteness alone.
The little booger is latched to me like an adorable parasitic attachment even as I type, sleeping as a small lump of rolling baby fat on my chest.
There goes some drool, oozing down my side. Awesome.
I love my little alien invader!
your writing never ceases to amaze me. and you probably sat down and just cranked that out in one sitting. talent!
ReplyDeleteIt's the 5-month sleep training delirium talking, I swear.
ReplyDelete